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Paper Birch Collective

Mar 3013 min read

The First Look: A Modern Wedding Tradition - Pros & Cons

Updated: Sep 27

Featured in The Knot, Wedding Wire, Martha Stewart Weddings, Basic Invite, WedAward, Maharani Weddings, Wedissimo, Style Me Pretty

Will You Say “I Do” to First Looks at Your Wedding?

Discover the pros & cons of a first look! From calming nerves to capturing intimate moments, make an informed decision.

Hi there, welcome to our blog! We are Paper Birch Collective, your friendly neighborhood team of award-winning photographers & videographers. Our team is based in Orange County, California and serving all of SoCal and beyond, we are addicted to adventure and new experiences, always on the cutting edge of our craft. We are lucky to have captured so many special Wedding memories, from getting ready, to first looks, to ceremonies, and reception parties. Today, we will discuss the topic of "first looks" on your Wedding day -- the history, what it is exactly, pros & cons, and different types of first looks for a compromise! Of course, if you'd rather to wait for the traditional grand reveal at your ceremony time, then that’s what we’re going to do. BUT, for our couples who are perhaps on the fence or not exactly sure what it means to have a first look, we are here to share all the details so you can make an informed decision. Let's make some memories!

The History Behind the First Look Tradition

The “first look” is a modern twist on the age-old tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before their wedding ceremony. This significant moment is captured when the couple sees each other for the first time on their wedding day, away from the eyes of family and guests. It’s a private and intimate exchange that can be traced back to the time when arranged marriages were common, and it was believed that seeing each other before the ceremony could bring bad luck. This is because the Bride and Groom were often arranged to be married without ever meeting or seeing one another, so if they did see each other right before their wedding (and didn't love what they saw), they could have an excuse to break off the arrangement. Today, a first look is a chance to calm the nerves and share a private moment before the whirlwind of the day begins. Whether you choose to have an intimate moment before your ceremony or wait for a grand reveal (check out the video below for the cutest reaction!)

Diana & Peter's Rustic Wedding at The 1909

What Exactly Is a First Look?

Here's how you can go about your first look moment! A "first look" at your wedding is when you and your partner decide to share an intimate reveal and special moment with each other before the ceremony, right after you finish getting ready for the big day. Usually, one partner will wait in a designated private area and the other partner will arrive soon after. To maintain an element of surprise, the first partner is typically turned around as the second partner slowly walks towards them. The second partner taps the first partner on the back to signal them to turn around for their first look of one another. Having this intimate and emotional moment with just your partner (plus your photographer and videographer) is not only wonderful for admiring each other's wedding look, but also a great time to exchange vows privately and make more wedding memories to cherish forever. Your photographer and videographer will capture candid moments as well as romantic portraits, and even get group photos with your family and wedding party.

The Pros of a First Look

Calm the Nerves

Being the center of attention on your wedding day along with the realization that your life is about to undergo a big change—nerves are totally normal! A first look can most definitely help calm any pre-ceremony jitters. In our experience, many couples who have decided to have a first look, the Grooms were not initially on board. This is usually because they didn’t think about how nerve racking it actually can be because they have never experienced a wedding day before. We have testimonials from countless of Grooms who didn't think they would want a private first look… but afterwards were glad they did so because it helped calm the nerves and they cherished this alone time.

Private Anticipation

First look wedding reaction with Bride and Groom shot by Paper Birch Collective, Orange County Wedding Photography team in SoCal

Your wedding celebration is an emotional day that will go by faster than you can imagine, so carving out private time for a first look moment before all of your festivities start is a wonderful time to hug, cry, kiss, and talk about how you feel without the pressure from an audience. Yes, we would be there with our cameras, but a first look moment with your partner is much more private and allows the two of you to share a more authentic and intimate first reveal.

Memory Clarity

Calming the nerves with an intimate first look before you walk down the aisle can help you and your partner focus on each other, making it easier to remember your ceremony more clearly. This also goes hand in hand with calming the pre-wedding nerves because it is often hard to fully take in and remember a moment when you are full of nerves. Having a private moment for sharing the excitement and joy of just being together for the first time on your wedding day, then the actual ceremony might be a little less stressful and a lot more memorable in terms of the pomp and circumstance of it all.

For the Portraits

Having a first look moment also means extra time for some portraits! There are several benefits to being about to capture memories and photos/videos before all the wedding festivities begin. Capturing pictures before the ceremony can help save time as you will not need to rush as much post-ceremony to catch the perfect lighting for all your desired portraits. Not to mention, capturing a handful of your portraits this early in the day will guarantee the freshness of hair and makeup as your beauty will be at its peak, untouched by the day’s events. It is also beneficial to get some portraits at this time to help combat camera fatigue. Spreading out the photo sessions will help you and your partner avoid exhaustion. Portraits after an intimate first touch will also get you and your partner in the PERFECT mood for the most romantic photos (rather than the pressure from your family or wedding party watching). Overall, first looks are quite beneficial in terms of your wedding day portraits for many great reasons!

Quality Alone Time

Since there are so many wedding formalities, it’s nearly impossible to sneak in alone time with your spouse. First looks are great because they allow you to have more time with your partner on your wedding day. Instead of spending a huge portion of the day hiding from each other until your ceremony, you will actually get to spend special quality time together before the ceremony starts! Maximize the time spent together on this special day. Doing a first look means you get to see each other earlier in the day, so you get to spend even more quality time together. This day is about the two of you, so you should be together for as much of it, right? Your first look moments will probably be one of the only times you’ll be alone all day. Enjoy this solitude and intimate quality time before you are overwhelmed with the joy and happiness of your wedding celebration. PRO TIP: If you want this moment to be as private as possible, you can ask your photo and video team to position their camera at a distance so it feels as if you really were alone together.

First look wedding reaction with Bride and Groom shot by Paper Birch Collective, Orange County Wedding Photography and Videography team in SoCal

The Cons of a First Look

Breaking Tradition

This first con pretty much goes without saying... doing a first look means you lose out on the grand reveal at the altar tradition. If you or your partner are superstitious and want to avoid the bad luck, then the first look may not be for you - and that is no problem! Plus, according to the long standing tradition, you’ll experience bad luck if you do see one another—which of course is not the best way to start off your marriage.

Earlier Start

Because first looks happen before your ceremony, you would have to get started with getting ready earlier in the day. Your Wedding day must begin earlier in the day to accommodate enough time for the first look. This means waking up, getting beautified, changing into your attire, and being ready to go earlier in the day. If you are not much of an early morning person, this modern tradition may not sound appealing to you and that's 100% okay!

Pre-Marital Portraits

You and your partner will not actually be legally married in your first-look portraits. For some couples, that may bother them, but for others, this technicality might not make much of a difference to them. Either way, this is definitely something to consider.

Your Loved Ones Miss Out

If you have a private first love with your partner, your other loved ones will miss out on watching this special first reaction. So, if you prefer to have your parents and wedding party part of this moment, a first look might not be for you. If you are unsure about how they feel about this, just ask them and then see if factors into your decision on whether or not you have a private first look with your partner.

Reaction Pressure

There might be an expectation to react emotionally. For some, a first look could make you more nervous because it is not completely private since you will also be with your photo/video team. Some couples also get nervous from the extra pressure they feel from having to react on cue. And if this is how you feel, or something about a first-look just doesn’t feel right, then just know it is more than okay to not partake in a first look before your ceremony.

Possibly De-Escalate Your Moment

There's no doubt that waiting to finally see your partner until your ceremony builds so much intensity and suspense. Having an intimate first look before this grand ceremony reveal could potentially take away from all the dramatic and emotional feels that come with sticking to tradition. If you want to feel all your special wedding day feels all at once in one special moment, then sticking to tradition of waiting to see each other at the alter might be for you.

Compromise with a First Touch or First Talk

For those who wish to go with tradition, you might want to consider a first touch or a heartfelt exchange without any visual contact before walking down the aisle. These other options are perfect sharing a special, shared moment while following the tradition of the grand reveal.

First touch wedding reaction with Bride and Groom shot by Paper Birch Collective, Orange County Wedding Photography and Videography team in SoCal

A Different Type of First Interaction

If you don’t want to do a typical first look, but you still want to share an intimate moment before your ceremony, we might have some solutions for you! A first touch held hands is great for those whose love language is physical touch. You can hold hands from opposite sides of an open door or some object that blocks you from seeing one another. A first read with exchanged letters while back to back or even in different locations is another romantic option. A first call can also be a wonderful moment, especially if the sound of your partner’s voice is all you need to soothe those nerves. All three of these first interactions make for romantic and intimate moment that are great alternatives to a first touch.

A First Look with Your Family or Friends

Sharing a first look with your loved ones, other than your partner, is also another wonderful wedding moment. You can have a first-look with your mom or dad, your sibling, or even with your bridesmaids and then stick to the grand reveal tradition when it comes to your partner.

Conclusion: Your Wedding, Your Rules

The first look is a tender moment shared just between the couple, setting a romantic tone for the day. There's really nothing that compares to emotions you feel as you see the love of your life for the first time on your wedding day! Whether you choose to share a private first look or decide to have a traditional grand reveal at the altar, it’s always such a special and emotional moment. Personally, we love how emotional and private a first look moment is but, of course, many might initially think this is too “non-traditional” and do not know how many great benefits there are to a first look! We never require our lovely couples to do a first look, but we always love to encourage it because there are SO many great benefits!

Thanks for Reading 🤍

Thanks so much for reading our blog. We hope this first look guide is helpful and we hope you have the Wedding of your dreams! Remember, your Wedding is a celebration of your unique love, laughter, and shared moments. Cherish every second and let us capture the magic of your special memories.

For Even More Wedding Inspiration and Advice,

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✨ Brides

✨ The Knot

✨ Martha Weddings

✨ Style Me Pretty

✨ Wedding Wire

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